Love to Win or Hate to Lose?
Do you love to win or hate to lose? Have you ever asked yourself that question? As athletes we all have reasons why we play, train, practice and push through difficult times so that we can do it all again. I believe that for most players the desire to win and the fear of losing undeniably effects their performance.
When I was a kid growing up in a small town neighborhood we played in the street or backyard. We got together with friends and cousins and organized the sport of the day and we played them all. There was always a winner and loser there were quitters and cry babies but we played without expectations without fans.
For as long as I’ve been a parent of a player I’ve been a coach. And for as long as I’ve been coaching I’ve seen and heard the pressure that teammates, parents, coaches and fans put on children as they play. Age doesn’t seem to matter, even the smallest little soccer tot is expected to play hard and WIN!! Stroll though the fields at any soccer park on a weekend and you will see grownups living and dying through their players. Little Jimmy or Jamie is only 8 years old and loves to run and kick the ball but is expected to follow the screaming instructions of parents and coaches to ensure he/she makes no mistakes. And this goes on game after game…..season after season.
Now lets flash forward a few years. The player that has been reminded of every mistake or scolded for every loss and rewarded for every win starts to play highly competitive ball in high school or on a select team for a good coach. Although winning is still important other values start to take the lead. Teamwork, creativity, control, game intelligence, communication, hard work, fitness, confidence, skill, strength, speed and nutrition are just a few things that go into the equation. The player is expected to contribute to the team and give their all or they may lose playing time or possibly be replaced by a better player. Now that’s a ton of pressure for someone who plays because they “love to play the game”!
Unfortunately I have seen too many wonderful players quit somewhere around the age of 13-18 years old. Why do they quit? Why not play the game that they have loved for years? Why now? These athletes have broken my heart. They did not have the same vision I had for them, maybe they just didn’t know what they were truly capable of. Maybe they didn’t know WHY they were playing, training, practicing and traveling in the first place or maybe they have NEVER known WHY?
It is my belief that the REASON WHY you do something is what will keep you DOING IT even if the going gets tough.
I personally have never been on many winning teams. If I kept a tally on all the games I’ve played since I was about 13 yrs old I bet you most of them, maybe even as high as 75% were losses. Pretty discouraging right? It could have been awful but I had a fantastic coach in High School that got me on the right track. We were a new soccer program in a very talented district of teams. He knew that we would lose a lot of games so he focused on laying a foundation of values instead of winning. Playing with class and respect, hard work, a Never Quit mentality, creativity and team work at all times, and fitness, fitness, fitness!! What I got out of those lessons was a new way to look at the game and different WHY than most athletes. I believe that was the greatest gift he could have given us and unfortunately he was ridiculed for it because as a school we “hated to lose and loved to win”!
I still play and train with a strong desire to grow, be my best and play the most creative intelligent soccer I can. Sometimes we win, sometimes we loose. I have accepted it as my path, my journey and I have learned so much from the losses that I wouldn’t change a thing! I do my best to lead each team with class, respect and a hard working attitude regardless of the score.
So now we come back to the question….. Do you play because you “hate to lose or love to win”? Lets break it down a bit and you decide. These are of course my opinions so take from them what you can:)!
If you “love to win” then chances are you LOVE the FEELING winning gives you. You might even consider yourself a good player when you win or bad player when you lose. You might also blame team mates, coaches, opponents, the referee, the weather or time of day when things are not going well because they may effect the outcome of the game. The emotions that generally come up are anger when losing and prideful excitement when winning. Think about this for a second. How do you look at training, practice or the next game? Could this attitude toward sport help you become your best and keep you playing? Or could it ultimately drive you away from the game you love so much?
If you “hate to lose” then its possible that you FEAR LOSING because if you lose you assume people will think of you as a bad player. You might even HOPE AND PRAY for the win instead of working hard for it. Again the blame game comes out when the competition spirals out of control and fear sets in keeping you from your best effort. How would this attitude effect your relationship with your team mates and practice? Could you eventually run out of HOPE AND FAITH and decide to quit? Are you going to put forth your best effort in practice and competition if you are always scared something may go wrong?
Keep in mind that there is no real right or wrong if it positively affects you and you thrive off the pressure. The FEELING OF WINNING or FEAR OF LOSING might be all you need to spend countless hours training and give EVERYTHING YOU’VE GOT when its game time!
Now this little story would not be complete if I didn’t come full circle and give you another WHY…. another REASON to play!
The years have shaped me. The losses and hard times have forged me into someone who loves the beautiful game more now then when I was a teen. I train as much as I can, eat right, build new skills, coach teams and individuals with a burning passion and play multiple times per week. All I want is to be an athlete and coach everyday. Winning and losing doesn’t drive or discourage me. I push though the good and bad times for a third reason, an out of the box unreasonable motivator…… I PLAY BECAUSE I LOVE TO PLAY!! Nothing thrills me more than the feeling of playing without expectations, without pride or fear. I have felt the pain of loss so many times that its not painful anymore. I know that every time I win, no matter how awesome the situation, that there is more work to be done and staying humble makes me happy. I am able to work as hard as I can and NOT QUIT no matter the score just so I can feel that at the end of the game I poured everything I had into the experience. In a game a few months ago we were playing the #1 team in the league. Some of our starters where missing including our goalie. We had to fight all game long to even get a chance with the ball. When the final whistle blew the score was 20-something to 1 and we were laughed at by the crowd and other team. Our only goal was scored in the final few minutes of the game. We were not going out as quitters just because the other team was better. I shook every hand and thanked them for the game then dragged myself off the field with a smile on my face. I had the amazing privilege of playing that night, didn’t get hurt and exhausted myself for only the love of the game, for the love of competition. To me the best feeling is to give all of yourself, like a child, for no other reason than just TO PLAY. It is an experience pure of heart and soul. A feeling I hope you get to have one day soon!
I hope this article gave you some things to think about. I have faith that you can become anything you want if your willing to but aside your pride, fear and ego enough to BECOME MORE of who you are right now. As a favorite mentor of mine David Goggins says “We are all artists painting the masterpiece of our lives….don’t be afraid to go through the brushes”!
See you out on the field,
♥Coach Sam
Be Creative..Be Fearless..Have Fun!
